Saturday

A busy day today. I wasnt expecting the nice sunny day. But  as it was warmish early on I decided it would be a good day to  fit the New arial on my  camper. As usual what you think is a  5 minute job turns into a nightmare.

My  plan was simply  cut and join the main cable  swap heads and simply  do up 2 grub screws. No such luck.

I could not pull the old cable through the hole  because it went inside the roof lining and disapeared behind a cabinet and came out behind the fridge.  Things got  worse by the minute. But, eventually I got to the last stage where I had it all plugged in  ready to  insert 2 screws. ,when disaster. The cable pulled off  and disapeared inside the hole. Now it all has to  come apart again to find it.

By some luck my son phoned and said he will call in later on his waythrough. When he saw me on the van roof he was not a happy bunny. So he took over and finished the job for me. So  now from not getting a TV signal in our carpark with my old arial. I now have 122 stations.

So mavis should be happy  when away  for watching soaps.

She asked me today just how do you feel about me going to The Royal Marsden.

So How do I feel. The waiting  weeks for the appointment was torment, filled with dread but also  hope.

The Journey was a worry  for me but it was not half as bad.

The fact that KCC have said there is no more they can offer Mavis is a smack in the face wake up call.

No more treatment what does that mean. WHAT does it ACTUALLY mean. When  you get home, Nothing more we can give you gradually sinks in. Is this the thin edge . Is it down hill from here. OMG! The fear that runs through my head the pain physical pain I feel in my chest is almost to much to bear.

But I should not have worried. Mavis is to strong to let a little statement like that  Phase her. She came home and does her research, talks to her contacts gets advice and does what she does best. Gets things sorted. She made inroads into treatment and trials up and down the country. She settled on the Royal Marsden. She spoke to  her Oncologist and said I want a referal to the Marsden. And that is what she got. The apointment  yesterday friday was a breath of fresh air. All the staff  we met were upfront helpfull and understanding.

The process was explained to us  so that we can understand it all the way.

After paperwork and a short wait they came back  to talk to us again. This time they said they were happy to offer her a place in a trial. We left feeling a lot lighter than when we arrived. As for me It was a lifeline thrown  to us. They went to great lengths to point out that  they cant offer a cure and that   the trial may not even work. But we reached out and grabbed their offer with both hands. It was a great feeling that there was once more Hope. We cant have a cure but  we have hope of  at least more time. because time is all we ask for. The daily torture of  looking at mavis fighting fighting  for every extra day we have had since that  original  prognosis of  you have 3 months ,12 weeks 84 odd days after half a century of love and togetherness takes its toll.

But  today some weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Some chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Some more  time to do  things together. Any other scenario holds nothing but unbearable pain for me. I cannot conceive a time when thats no longer possable.

All power to her for  giving me the strength to bear this almost unbearable burden. In her shoes  I dont think I  would cope.

Dont stop. Mavis I love you  and I want to go on loving you for a long time to come.XXX